DATING 101

I’ve never been the type of girl to date so I never understood it. I’m a logical person the majority of the time so I just try to learn about something before I do it, research it if you will. I would look all around me, at my friends in their relationships, at my parents, and even social media, but I could never pin down the formula. I usually jump into these situationships head first. Like in the end I would win some sort of accolade if done correctly. I guess in this case it would be a marriage. I’m 23 looking for a marriage, which even after typing it out made me cringe. I would say in the past 2 years I’ve “dated” 3 men, so being that my dating pool is typically very small I don’t have a lot of experience. Then one day I met Tyler through a mutual friend. With Tyler, I met my match of the ultimate finesser, I mean he was good …I’m still recovering. He was older than me so I’m sure he had a lot of experience, which made him pretty smooth. He wasn’t even my usual type, but he definitely broadened my horizons in the type of guys I was willing to date. The past couple of guys I had dated were all around my age so they weren’t as established as him. They didn’t take me on dates, 1. Because it’s not something I seemed to require and 2. They just didn’t have it like that. Tyler was different, he had it, so the basic dating procedure he followed, I blew way out of proportion. I mean I wasn’t used to walking into a store and having a guy offer to pay for my things, he didn’t have to, but I appreciated it. I thought because he “invested” his time and money in me that he meant business. We spent a considerable amount of time together in the beginning, which if I had to state 1 rule was an ultimate no no. Men lose value in your time when you’re always at their disposal. Anyways, I, being the naïve girl that I am, began to fall for him. He was so charming, he spoke sweet nothings into my ear, and I fell deeper not realizing he wasn’t going to catch me. When a man sets the pace for a relationship they know exactly what they’re doing. They’re trying to squeeze everything out towards the beginning so they can get all they want from you early on, and not have to stick around for the repercussions. You know what I mean, the “crazy” stage women go through after receiving a little bit of attention and a lot of dick. Women change in that way, they start expecting more after sex. Not only do they want their man’s time, they want their undivided attention. Which would be simple for a man who was ready to settle down, but one who had no intentions of that to begin with …would find it difficult. Tyler, quickly showed me where I stood in his life. I found myself creating scenarios of how his day would go, being that after that month of perfection, he became inconsistent. **Shocker** I learned more about myself in this pairing then I had my whole dating career. I didn’t want to compromise what I wanted in order to feel that fleeting intimacy with a man. As a woman, I often confused lust with intimacy. I mistook our time spent in the bedroom as a form of closeness, which made it feel deeper than it actually was. I also learned that I equate the amount of time spent with a man as some form of achievement. Like if I dragged it out as long as possible then that meant I wasn’t a total failure in dating or that he liked me more. Neither of which were true. I learned that before I make a man feel special, or begin acting like fucking Betty Crocker they needed to earn it. The narrative is always a woman has to be xyz in order to be seen as an asset or of value to a man, but that’s acting like he’s the prize. False. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife, finds a good thing…” There’s no need to overcompensate, and go above and beyond, even if it’s in your character, before knowing the man’s worth. Set the tone from the beginning that you know who you are as a woman, because dick WILL make you forget. There are no set rules to dating, and you can’t control anything about the way things play out, except your own actions. Happy dating everyone!