Sex in the City: Atlanta
As I was watching Sex and the City and I saw Carrie Bradshaw writing her column on sex and her friends I began to think of each character and who they were in relation to my friend group. The majority of us were single and we had our own distinct personalities and sexual tendencies. As we get older we’ve become more and more confused by the conventional standards of dating and relationships. I was in a relationship for 3 years and all it taught me was that I knew nothing about boys and, “the game” but a whole lot about sex. I mean when you’re with someone for 3 years you do gain a different type of experience. I don’t believe you have to fuck 30 different men to know your way around. I also learned a lot about myself, one of which was, I had no clue who I actually was as a person. When you’re attached to someone for that long you just only have to worry about them and not about yourself, and I think I loved that. If I had him figured out I’d never have to worry about myself and my own little issues. Going into it at 18 I didn’t know anything, but now that I’m on the other side of it at 22 all of my dreams of being married by 25 and children by 27 seem to have disappeared. I’m being realistic and I’m ready to explore my 20’s. I was a walking hypocrite, I don’t know who’s values I was drawing from, it might have been my parents, but I think I was way more rebellious and liberal than that. And if they read this I’m sure they’d have their disapprovals, but it’s time I do things for me. Which brings me to another reason I love being single, you have no one to check you or tell you what you can or cannot do. What I’m not loving is actually finding the guy. I know it’s like “Ashley you have to let him come to you..” and all that extra bullshit, but I have this craving of being in control with my dating now. I want to find the guy I want and I want him to do everything I want. Ideally that sounds like every feminists’ dream, but it’s harder than that. I’m learning that if you’re only talking to one man at a time it’s easier to catch feelings for the guy and **poof** you’ve tipped the distribution of power scale all the way to his side. It’s hard to talk to multiple guys at a time because it’s like I don’t like many boys and I’m a bad multitasker, but even when I do, I find them not giving me enough attention so somehow, I’m pressing the issue by being eager and desperate. Regardless of what it is with me and finding the right guy or maybe even the wrong guy who’s right for the situation I’m currently gnawing at, I can’t find him.
XoXo,
A
