A YEAR WITHOUT RAIN
On January 1st, 2018, I realized what no girl wants to realize in the middle of winter …that I was single as fuck. It’s 12 pm and I’m sitting in my room twiddling my fingers, figuring out what to do for the day when I hear light moans coming from the room next door. In the room to my left, I hear a squeaky bed frame. Not only is it Winter and I’m alone, I’m literally sitting in an apartment with 2 very active relationships. You can’t help but feel lonely when all you see around you are happy couples, I scroll down my feed and low and behold another relationship. I swear winter is the breeding ground for relationships, it’s like the temperature drops and people can’t help but to congregate to one another. I genuinely believe I would feel 90% less lonely if it were summer. I went from being in a 3-year relationship, having sex some 3-4 times a day, to this. Granted, the relationship did suck, and I feel significantly better without him, it was a huge adjustment. I have been single now for a year, of course I had 1 and a half flings but it’s different when you have someone there for you emotionally as well as physically. In this year, I learned a lot about myself. I learned I hated being without someone, but I wouldn’t end up in another dead-end relationship. I learned I am not the hook up type, I couldn’t live with myself if I had another meaningless sexual exchange. I learned that all boys are essentially the same, they all want to have sex and kick you to the curb. In this year of singleness, I haven’t found anyone that actually wanted to get to know me as a whole person. I found that guys, especially black men, have deep rooted issues, and they want to use women as their therapists to unload on, but don’t want to take on any of the woman’s baggage. I also began to understand why older guys prey on younger women, older women just can’t be easily played. You can’t sell the same dream you can sell to a younger girl to a woman. This is why older men skip straight to the adolescent girls. I also learned that men treat you the way you require yourself to be treated. If you don’t set a standard of how you would like to be courted they’ll jump into Netflix and chilling, so I’ve learned to hold myself in high regard. I learned that my life isn’t going to be as practical as I imagined. I used to have this set timeline for myself. Married by 25, kids by 27, and career by 30. Now that I’m going to be 23 this year …25 doesn’t seem too realistic. I also learned the most valuable lesson, a young, single girl could learn. A man is an addition to your life, an accessory even, attachment is inevitable, but it’s important not to lose yourself in a one.
